sign na ba etich?

Ganda ng title ko, i already right this one already. ni hindi ko n nga naalala yung original draft. nag hang si PC ang aun nawala ng lubusan ang isinulat ko. ang haa p naman nya. eto, ill start all over again (parang kanta lang).

Its September 5, 2009. 10:56 in the evening. i am trying to re-write the one i made 10 minutes ago.

Today is Pups Wedding, i unsually woke up at aroung 6 am today for my preparation for the matrimony. Sabi ko nga kanina, i didn’t bother to make myself superb ksi its not my day naman. i just let my self be simple and happy ksi i want pups wedding to be happy also. Kahit hindi n ako makahinga at makagalaw with my gown okay lang. i would just walk for 2 to 3 mins in the isle but still the focus is not with me but with the bride.

With God blessings, kahit binabagyo ang wedding ni Pups eh natapos nman sya ng matiwasay. I got the bouquet (sana tama spelling ko nito ksi second time ko n sya sinulat :)), the bride gave me those flowers, wala gusto kumuha kahit ako ayaw kong tanggapin. But she gave me the flowers eh. i have no choice but to take that. Ngaun ako maniniwala na hindi talaga totoo na kung sino ang taong makasalo ng bouquet (kung mali ang spellling sori)  eh sya ung next bride. hello! its not possible na ill be the next bride kasi wala nga ako possible groom eh.. pwo malay mu naman, this is the sign from God na ill find Mr. Right (kung meron) this year. Well malay mu naman diba? but i am not hoping. Definition nga ng Love nahihirapan ako eh.. masabi ko pa na im inlove..

From MMK18 (18 years n ksi sila) story kanina, i’ve learned na love will come talaga at the right time and place basta hanada kana. sabi nga diba? huwag kang magmadali dahil dadating din si prince charming mu.

prince charming na gigising sau sa mahabang pagkakatulog, hahalik sau pra matanggal ang sumpa ng witch, magpapalaya sau sa pagkakabilanggo, tatanggapin ka inspite of yor differences, who will see you transparently, magsasayaw sau sa time na nalulungkot ka, prince charming na always ready na hanapin ka san mang sulok ng mundo in times na gusto mu magtago sa lahat and kahit anung klaseng tago mu eh makikita at makikita ka padin nya, prinsipe na handang iligtas ka sa kapahamakan, samahan ka sa kalungkutan and live with you happily ever after.

Happily ever afteR? totoo p kaya ito? meron p kya true love? matutupad padin kaya ang vow na sinasabi nila sa mga wedding matrimonies? tipong “till death do us part”? totoo kayang kapag ayan na ang true love, makakarinig ka ng music? tipong may kuryente? sparks ba? Malay ko, naranasan ko n ba yang ganyan?

True love? iyon ba yung kapag handa ka ibigay ang lahat sa taong mahal mu (very generous minsan natatanga ka na),true love ba kapag you will love evrything about this person, his whole being? kapag handa ka magsacrifice? handa ka sa lahat ng hurt na mararamdaman mu? true love ba kapag you’re willing to wait kahit walang hinihintay? true love ba kapag you would still wants to be with him even you look so stupid caring for him? true love ba yun na just seeing him hapy with someone else would also make you happy?

mahal mu na ba yung tao, kapg handa ka makinig sa kanya kahit paulit ulit lang ang kwento nya? na kung ilang beses nya kinuwento ung story na un eh iyon din ang beses na nasasaktan ka? na sa halip ikaw ikinukwento nya eh ibang tao pla? (bitter)..

mahal mu na ba sya kapag tumunog fon mu eh sya ung iniisip mu na sana sya ung nag teks? tumatawag? nag message sau sa FB? nag Buzz sau sa ym?

mahal mu n ba ang tao kapag before mu close ang eyes mu sa gabi at pagmulat mu sa umaga, sya ang iniisip mu?

mahal mu ba ang tao na khit simpleng thank you and take care eh kinikilig kana?

mahal mu na ba sya kapag everytime malungkot ka eh sya ang naiisip mu na sasagip sa kalungkutan mu?

pagibig na ba ang ung pangalan palang nya buo na araw mu? tipong marinig mu lang ung name nya, nakakalimutan mu na pagod, lungkot at stress ng buhay meorn ka. tipong pde ka nang di kumain dahil name palang busog kana. panu p kaya kapag nakita mu na.

pag-ibig o hallucination? o bka naman inspiration, aspiration, admiration, perspition, respiration, presipitation at kung anu anung tion pa.. hehehehe..

i would never know that, i never had a love. i never know love. o bka love na hindi ko pa alam n love pla un. i never felt na i have been loved in the other way around.

hahaha.. natatawa ako.. parang this is a sign n im looking and im ready to be found na.. sana may naghahanap nga sakin.. hehehe..

Masarap din naman ksi yung pakiramdam na nagcecelbrate ng monsary, anniversary, at kung anik anik pa. masarap din yung pakiramdam na hindi na ako aalis mag-isa, maglalakad s aluneta o san mang park ng mag-isa,masarap din naman yung my ka-holding hands ka na. tipong when the whole world left you eh my someone n anjan to give comfort. tipong pag-valentines day,hindi na ako magkkukulong sa bahay. isa na din siguro ako sa mga taong lalabas pra mag-date. hahaha..

naisip ko tuloy, ilan n ba ang pinagpas ko at pinalagpas ako? hahaha..

hindi din naman sila madami dahil hinid naman ako kagandahan.. pwo sa mga experience kong yun, eto ako, parang hopeless romantic. well hindi ako naghahanap, hindi din ako naghihintay, hindi rin naman ako desperada na kahit sino nlang basta ma-experience ko lang un..

i would still want my ending to be happily ever after.. sana meron pang ganun..

Nag-iisa Ka lang..

Its 4:23 in the morning.. i am about to sleep.. i just finished uploading some christian songs in facebook..

well i just realized..

that in times of trouble... in times that you feel you’re alone.. in times that doubt is in the air.. that you are very unsure of everything that is happening in your life..

when you felt that you hold all the problem in the world, that the people behind you left you or maybe they just don’t understand you.. if you felt that all eyes stares at you.. that they are all waiting for you to commit mistakes..

when you think that there is no friend beside you.. that no one cares about you.. if you’re sad.. if you’re happy.. if you’re hurt.. if you have lots of issues with you’re life..

well..  God is really good (all the time!).. because He is always there.. He would always make sure that you are okay and that you are enjoying the life given to us.. that when you feel that you’re in darkness.. in all those bad times that we encounter.. He would make sure the we will find light.. and you would feel that all burdens in life that you though you have will just gone away.. in just a wink of an eye.. if you would just pray..

they said that singing is like praying twice..

i was singing the songs (my all tie fave!) and i am just happy and relieve that He took away all the burdens in my heart and mind..

Nag-iisa Ka lang talaga Lord! Salamat!

assignment

Today is Sunday.. August 30, 2009. eto. as usual.. nakaharap ako sa pc ngaun.. nagpapalipas ng oras.. nangingisda.. nagtatanim.. hehehe.. papaantok.. bka makatulog na sa dami ng iniisip ko..

God is great talaga.. He never give everything sau.. He would make sure na meron kang assignment.. na dapat mong gawin.. assignment na ikaw lang ang pde sumagot.. assignment na hindi ka pwede mangopya.. na dapat matuto ka from that assignment…

minsan gusto mu na sabihin sa Kanya na you can’t finish the task.. o kya naman mandadaya ka.. you’ll ask someone else to do the assignment.. o minsan talagang makapal ka.. magtatanung k n sa Kanya ng may sumbat.. o minsan talaga mapapabuntong hininga k na lng ng malalim..

tipong parang hanggang core na ng earth ang pagkakabuntong hininga mu.. sa sobrang hirap ng assignment na binigay Nya.. o kya naman pilit mung gagawin at tatapusin kahit labag sa kalooban mu.. tipong pra lang masabi na may assignment..

nakakatuwa tlga noh? tayo na tinutulungan ni Lord, tayo pa gumagawa ng way pra tanggihan sya.. tau na ung tinutulungan Nya to make sure we are happy and we enjoy our stay here on earth.. tau pa din ang nagpapahirap sa sarili natin.. tau padin ang gumagawa ng way to make our life misreable..

o bka naman kya ganun is because din sa mga tao sa paligid natin? minsan nga naitanung ko n sa sarili ko.. are they my inspiration tlga? worth it ba lahat ng sacrifices ko for them? do they care about me? or are they thinking of themselves?

we’ll madaya na kung madaya but i hope God will give me the guidance i am looking right now.. strong arms for me to hold on.. especially if i really can’t stand na.. a heart full of love and understanding.. hehehe..

Sana sa assignment na binigay nya sakin ngaun.. sana.. maipasa ko ito sa kanya.. ng walang daya at hindi napilitan..

Emotera

this morning.. i was listening to carpenters and bread songs.. when i remember this song i use to sing when i was a kid. what’s up.. well i really can’t remember who sang that song but i would always remember the song itself..

the song goes like this:

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What’s going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what’s going on?
ooh, ooh ooh
and I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What’s going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what’s going on?
Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

well i am not yet twenty five years old.. but i just what the song says.. i am trying my best to get on the my own destination.. i want to be the best of who i am.. enjoying the things i have.. being successful in everything i do.. and being happy on what God has given me. i also need to be strong in facing all walks of life.. all the struggles that God may give me.. i should face them all with courage, strength, dignity and faith.

i should be strong enough to handle things that is very unusual for me for my family.. syempre.. number one priority lagi sila.. they are the only best thing i have.. syempre next na friendships ko dun..

haay.. i’ll do everything for them.. sana ganun din sila..

Buhay ng walang magawa..

i woke up at around 3pm today just to watch tora dora.. hehehe.. parang bata noh? Well yeah. i still love watching cartoons.. wala naman masama diba? It’s one way of making myself happy..

It’s Sunday and I should go to church di ba? But I’d prefer to go an early mass tomorrow.. Mas masarap kasi magsimba eh.. kakatamad this day.. i have nothing to do.. Home alone.. wala si ermat at erpat.. wala si bagets, wala lahat dito ako lang tao.. nagugutom na nga ako eh..  All we have is the Caldereta I cooked last night eh.. 

haay.. I just finish taking quizzes sa Facebook.. One of thebest quiz i had eh yung kung totoo akong TUPian.. Well I took that quiz 3 times.. andaya noh? Well feeling ko ksi kung sino ung gumawa nung quiz na un is not Stupident tlga.. hehehhe..

 Just realize I missed being in school.. ung tipong ang iisipin ko lang is baon ko for today, kung malelate ako sa klase ko, assignments ko na kokopyahin ko din naman eventually sa mga masisipag kong klasmeyts, kung san ko plano gumala that day at kung panu ako makakauwe ng maaga pra iwas traffic.

as i was answering that quiz, nag flashback lahat sakin, kung panu ako papasok ng umaga, tatambay sa ilalim ng puno puno dun.. kung panu ko matatapos ng mabilis ang assignment ko na kinokopya ko knowing i only have 30 mins left before ko ipasa ung assignments na un.. na dapat mabilis kong makopya na hindi ko magawa-gawa kasi dadating pa lahat ng mga siraulo mong kaklase pra bulihan ka.. hehehe.. nakakamiss din un eh.. na super sila magkukwentuhan na kahit gusto mo sumabat di ka makakasabat kasi kelangan mo matapos ung assignment mo.. 

naalala ko din ung mga time na kakain kme ng tanghalian ng sabay-sabay, kung hindi sa jeps, sa maans, sa penny’s, sa st paul’s, sa boybengs, sa pipoy’s, at syempre makakalimutan ko ba ang bolababs at kapampangan keni.. hehehe

ang bolababs na nagtitinda ng breaded porkchop at noodles na aabutin ka ng ten thousand years bago maluto.. ang kapampangan keni na always namin pinipilahan kahit ganu kaiinit at kasikip.. bawal tumambay ng matagal dun ksi madami pa kakain.. hehehe.. 

i also remember na kapag 4 to 5 hours ang vacant ko.. asahan n asa SM lang ako pra magpalamig.. minsan kapag my extra money ako.. nuod ng sine.. kapag wala ako pera.. SM lang.. tamang libot lang from ground floor gang fifth floor.. pahirap lang sa sarili.. hehehe..

tapos nung nag boarding house ako, every night na kakain sa yum-yum na kahit puro mantika sobrang sarap padin kumain dun.. hehehe.. na kapag napasarap kme ng kwentuhan ni Rina o khit tipong may puyatang nagaganap sa Bhauz aba, asahan n bibili p kame sa nag iisang 24Hrs na tindahan dun, kina Viva Laraza na hindi pdeng hindi namin makikita si Kuya na nakasuot ng puting short at puting sando.. hehehe.. araw-araw ksi un ang suot nya.. hehehe..

inaamin ko, i am never a good student.. hindi ako studious.. ewan ko ba kung bakit ganun.. hehehe.. cge.. paminsan minsan naman nag-aaral ako.. pwo kadalasan.. nagcocomputer ako.. mura lang ksi rent ng computer sa TUP, 10 to 15 Php ang rate nun.. hehehehe kya yakang kaya ng bulsa ko.. hehehe.. tapos.. kung di man ako nagcocomputer.. syempre nakikipag bulihan ako sa mga housemates.. kung hindi naman nila ako binubuli.. nakikipag tong-its sila skin, o kya naman BINGO at syempre ang hindi ko makalimut-kalimutang Bomberman.. na lagi pinagtutulungan si Dennish pra ma-out agad.. hehehe.. minsan ako din ganun ginagawa nila.. pwo mas madalas padin si dennish.. hehehe.. kamusta n nga kaya un?

ang pinaka-gusto ko ginagawa nung mga panahon na un? syempre pa ang walang kamatayang inuman session sa bhauz.. khit sino invited.. khit sino pde magpunta ang mahalaga imbitado.. my mga times din n nagluluto kme ng walang kamatayang pansit pag may bday ang isa o dalawa o kahit anu basta my ipagcecelbrate.. hehehe..

nakakatuwang isipin n lahat ng un eh puro comedy sa buhay ko na nagturo ng kung anik anik sa life ko.. natuto ako uminom, natuto ako makisama, natuto ak ng tumawa ng malakas, natutuhan ko na sila ang kaibigan n hinahanap ko, na we jive together, natuto ako magmahal (kelangan ba lagi my special mention na ganun, move on kna db?), natuto ako humarap sa problema sa buhay, to decide for myself, to deal on whatever na dumating sa buhay ko, to be strong and brave ksi alam kong may mga kaibigan akong andyan lagi to support me. kahit siraulo ung mga un kpag kelangan mu tlga ng kaibigan anjan sila.. that’s why i am proud of them..

Hindi naman lagi kme gimiks nung mga un.. syempre dumadating din ung time n mejo nagkakatampuhan.. pwo ang maganda dun.. we manage ourselves na magkabati at magkaaus at maging dahilan ng mas malalim na pagsasama..

hehehe.. ito pla nagagawa ko kapag wala ako magawa.. hehehe..