I Believe in You

I was talking to my sister ‘bout what happened in Japan the other day. She was sort of nervous because she has this thought of destruction of humankind next year.

A lot of speculations, hearsays, rumors even wild predictions that the earth will deluge next year.

I also saw some numbers that proves that it would really be next year like 09-11-01+03-10-11 = 12-21-12. First, the answer is -21. Second, I don’t want to scare myself. Third, I never believe in 2012 movie though it’s a good movie.

What happened in the 9/11 bombing is as tragic of what happened the other day. I share my condolences to the family who lost their love ones with these events. And to those who survive the tragedy, I am as thankful as you as I am safe and alive with my family right now.

With all the things that are happening right now, I would like to emphasize that we all have one BIG GOD who watched over us. We should give all our faith and trust in Him. He would not do anything that would harm us. We may experience things like those but it’s a challenge from Him. He has plans for us, and it is us who should discover our purpose here on earth.

I am nothing against the 2012 movie, but one thing I would like to tell everyone who could read this, let us surrender our life to Him and he will save us. I understand that God once destruct the mankind by sending heavy rains however, if I can remember it right He also said that he would not do that ever again. He showed how much He loves us by sending Christ to redeem us from sin.

Right now, I am thankful that God showed me a way to become more faithful to Him. As what we always say “GOD is GOOD, ALL THE TIME”.

Let us all pray that this kind of tragic event won’t happen again. And let us all give faith in Him that he would not do any destructive things as the movies and other people's beliefs.

Good Bye Vday (Vitter day!)

I thought I won’t be making any pre-post valentine note but here I am, writing a note around 2:56am on February 15, 2011.

I would like to share that this year’s Heart’s Day passed by not having a thought of myself being single. Not having a thought that today is a very special day. Not wondering who should I spend this day with, not jealous of the people who finds time to celebrate this day and jealous of the girl or girls spending their days having someone holding their hands and having dinner or lunch in a very fine dine resto and thinking of just themselves.

Today is not my normal Vday. Vday means Vitter day. Hahaha. I feel free and I feel happy. Today, I spend the day just with my newly found friends just laughing my heart out, laughing at Bob Ongs love quotes realizing that it may sound funny but it makes a lot of sense, checking each and every friends status checking if their happy, bitter, alone, single, emo and just the normal crazy status.

I learned one thing, it is really best to be single. You can be careless, reserve, emo, bitter, happy, crazy and of course free from commitment! Committing yourself from being hurt to be happy. Who says you need to cry like a river before you feel happy?! Who??

We can be happy in many ways. A simple laughing out loud with friends, eating together, watching movie, shopping, travelling sa mall? =)) what else??

God give us this gift of waking u in the morning to enjoy life. We may encounter hurts, troubles, problems, heartbreaks, success, happiness.. those gives our life spice and challenge in making us a better person. Who knows, He is just preparing us to be better for someone. ;) 

From a saying: "If it is not a happy ending, it is perhaps a happy beginning."

Coward Me

Today, I just realized how coward am I. 

How I’m afraid of being rejected or rather how afraid I am to realize that there is just nothing I can do. No matter how much effort I put in this stupid thing, into this feeling I kept for so long, nothing would change. 

I am just hurting myself. I am just being so stupid to let myself drown in this feeling forgetting that I need to be happy, that I have the right to be happy. If I won’t let go of this shit, I would be left alone.

I guess Mike is right, if I don’t see anything worth waiting, why wait? Why wait for so long and let myself bear the pain.

Ron is also right saying that this is a now or never thing. This pain right now is just an icing of a cake. And this would be worst if I would let time passed by. 

Something changed. It’s like a broken glass that I glued. That even though I put all the pieces back, there is these cracks that would be there forever. Either I keep that glass or buy a new one. But why is it so hard to let go of the old broken one when it’s easy to buy a new one.

Why is there a wall between us? Why things between us changed? Or maybe I’m the only one thinking of that? Maybe I’m just the one thinking that there is something special. And I’m frustrated like this because I let myself believe on my gut feeling that there is something super special.

Now I just realized that I am hurting myself. I created this chaos of mine now why am I so afraid of it. I should know when to stop. I want to stop, I just don’t know how.

Me And Usagi

Last week, I enjoyed searching and looking for a good photo that can be placed on my profile picture in FB and Twitter. This is in support to all abused children worldwide.

As checking with my friend’s photos, I enjoyed checking every picture as it brings back my childhood memories.

Who wouldn’t know Cedie ang batang prinsipe who made us all cry, same thing with Nelo and Partrash, Heide, Mga munting Pangarap ni Romeo, Sarah ang Munting Prinsesa, at kung anu anu pang mga cartoons na talaga naming pinagdaanan natin nung kabataan natin.

Kala nyo yan lang nakita ko? I foun BTX, Ghost Fighter, Time quest, Super Boink, Disney characters, si Dora ang batang gala, Magic Knight RareEarth, Doreamon, Si Betty Boop, Popoye, Akazukin Cha-Cha, Tom Sawyer at si Huckle Berry Finn at kung anu-ano pa. Nakakatuwa it brings out the youth or should I say the child in me.

And I am lucky na I am able to enjoy watching this shows. And in support with those abused children, na nanuod man nito o hindi, I know they didn’t enjoy it.

While searching the net, I typed sailor moon. My super favorite cartoon character. 

Why do I like her so much??? Because I and Usagi have so many the same things in common.

She’s matakaw, super daldal as in daldal lang ng daldal, cry baby, funny, sweet, thoughtful, caring. People make fun of her a  lot yet she never ever takes those things to make herself down but it serves as an inspiration to her because she has lots of friends who love and accepts her for being herself.

She is very clumsy that we would always trip whenever there is a chance. She would always see hearts whenever she see cute guys but even though she has lots of crushes (tipong head over heels ang pagkakilig kapag nakakita na ng gwapo J), she remains loyal.

She never showed any pain, worries, troubles, tears in front of her friends so that she wouldn’t be an extra burden to them or simply because she doesn’t want her friends to get worried. She would always show how strong and brave she is no matter how much she wants to fell on her knees. She wants to look like that because she knows, all the people she loves gets strength from her. 

She’s a very good friend no matter how she denies it, she;s a good friend in a very different way.  She would give her life to her friends. She would admit she’s wrong but never admits she’s inlove. 

Speaking of love, Mamuro is the love of her life, her knight in shining armor. The only man that could make her fell in love, smile without doing anything and let her knees fall down sa sobrang kilig. She always cared but showed it in a very different way. Love him in a special way that only she could do.

Nakakatuwa that I am not over Sailormoon. 

I love her because she uses her heart to find true happiness. She may be a meatball head but she has a heart that is full of love for her friends and family that she is willing to sacrifice everything for their happiness.

She maybe super clumsy and irresponsible but she manage to protect everyone in the name of love.

The Truth Will Set you Free

I am having my lunch break this afternoon with Joy and Kuya Ron, we were chatting, making chixmax to everyone who seems to be interesting then i found out that we are now discussing my love life.

Oh my, its the topic I hate most. What on earth I'm going to share? why do we need to discuss my love life to think i don't have any.

I really do not know why but love life for me is one of the most dreadful things to discuss in my life. i have nothing to share. yeah, never had a bf since birth and currently i never thought of having one.

During our discussion, i kept asking myself, am i being honest with myself on how i feel with this special person whom until now is the only person I love? Am i ready to face rejection? Am i ready to take the next step? Am I just a coward that can't stand on how i feel? 

Minsan i just want to think that i am just being real and avoiding myself being hurt by someone because i will never let anyone hurt me except myself. but by just being so quiet about it, i am hurting myself so much that until now i can't seem to moved on.

Tama, Tama na sabihin ko na... i need to express how i feel and tell it to his face the moment i have a chance para maka-move on.

Realization is now killing me. It is now or never, if i tell him, friendship may risk and if not, I'll never find someone to love as this heart beats for only one person. The person whom i never expect to fall in love with. the person who is a not my ideal guy. a person whom i see myself spending my life as a friend. and just friend.

Joy and Kuya Ron is correct when they told me that i should tell him as this is my chance to be happy. This is my chance to enjoy the love life topic. To enjoy sharing my love life and not just listening to someone elses'story.

I need to tell him for me to be happy and to have a time of finding true love. The love that i should be enjoying right now to think i am not committed but i still hinder myself of entering into any relationship because I can never give love the way i gave love to this person.

My heart is beating for this one person. My fault i gave my heart without him knowing that he owns it. Yeah, you read it right, i never had this chance of telling him how much i feel. i maybe one of the most talkative person in this world but i never learned to express my real feelings.

It's funny i am writing it right now because this is the only way i can express this feeling, this thought in my head that wants to explode.

I never want to hurt anyone on how i feel. i may be selfish in many ways but if its about for the person i love, i am very much willing to give and sacrifice everything. even if it means the world to me.

I'll be hypocrite if I'm going to say that i never thought of me and him in the future, holding hands together, sharing stories while watching the sunset and having coffee together waitign for the sunrise. but everything will disappear when thinking that he will never like me as me.

I love myself more than anyone else. I love being who i am and i cannot change myself for anyone else and i do not want to do that because changing one little thing in myself for anyone will not make me myself anymore. If i would change something about myself, I'd be happy to change it because i want to and i am looking forward to a better me.

This note is not meant for you who is reading this but this is meant for myself. I'd just like to express my thoughts right now because i feel i have been hiding and keeping this for the longest time now.

To Kuya Ron and Joy, thank you kanina. I know that conversation is not just for harutan purposes. Both of you may express yourselves in a very funny way, that is why i am laughing :D, but you two made me realized how long i have been holding this to  myself. I am open with the thought that I'm in love with this person but i am never open in telling what is in my heart to him.

Why??

I'm scared to death of me being rejected,  I'm scared he'll tell me i took advantage of the friendship,I'm too afraid he'll tell me that he can never love me. I hated the feeling of being rejected, neglected and dumped.

I'm scared that our friendship will end. Too scared not to talked to him, not to see him at all, not to hear anything from him.

I remember this song "Kung Ako Na Lang Sana" ni Bituin Escalante or the "Friend of Mine" sang by Lea Salonga.

This songs reminds me of loving this person. This songs are timeless like the love i feel right now.

"I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine, kung ako nalang sana ang iyong minahal. "