10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)
9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(I don’t want to do my dad.)
(I don’t want to do my dad.)
8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)
(You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)
(I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)
6. I’ve got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)
5. I don’t date men where I work.
(I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)
(I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)
4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s you.)
(It’s you.)
3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I’m celibate.
(I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)
(I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet
and have sex with. It’s the male perspective thing.)
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet
and have sex with. It’s the male perspective thing.)
