Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)

From: 3:52 am on Saturday, June 18, 2005

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(I don’t want to do my dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work.
(I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate.
(I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet
and have sex with. It’s the male perspective thing.)

Fifty Reasons To Be A Women

From: gem-28 at 3:33 am on Saturday, June 18, 2005

1. Free drinks.

2. Free dinners.

3. Free movies (you get the point).

4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay.

5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay.

6. You know The Truth about whether size matters.

7. Speeding ticket? What’s that?

8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.

9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.

10. If you have sex with someone and don’t call him the next day, you’re not the devil.

11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.

12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.

13. If you’re not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.

14. You can sleep your way to the top.

15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.

16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

17. It’s possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.

18. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.

19. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Tom Selleck.

20. You don’t have to fart to amuse yourself.

21. If you cheat on your spouse, people assume it’s because you’re being emotionally neglected.

22. YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

23. You’ll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.

24. No one passes out when you take off your shoes.

25. If you think the person you’re dating really likes you, you don’t have to break up with him.

26. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.

27. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.

28. You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass.

29. If you have a zit, you can conceal it.

30. You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

31. If you’re dumb, some people will find it cute.

32. You don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

33. You have the ability to dress yourself.

34. You have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

35. You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

36. If you marry someone 20 years younger, you’re aware that you look like.

37. If you’re wearing cologne, you don’t have to pretend it’s after shave.

38. You’ll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.

39. You’ll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.

40. You can quickly end any fight by crying.

41. Your friends won’t think you’re weird if you ask whether there’s spinach in your teeth.

42. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

43. You’ve never had a goatee.

44. Gay waiters don’t make you uncomfortable.

45. You’ll never regret piercing your ears.

46. You can fully assess a person just by looking at her shoes.

47. You’ll never discover you’ve been duped by a Wonderbra.

48. You don’t have hair on your back.

49. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.

50. You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

What A Girl Wants

From: gem-28 at 12:38 am on Friday, June 3, 2005

doctor reviews

1. When a girl says she’s sad, but she isn’t crying, it means she’s crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you’ve done something wrong, it’s best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can’t find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to ‘get over him’ after the relationship’s over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don’t like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to
spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can’t go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don’t try to guess a girl’s feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she’ll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl’s ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple ‘Hi’ can brighten a girl’s day.

26. A girl’s best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their ‘prettier’ friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved