Twilight

November 27, 2008.

I am super kinilig sa twilight movie. It’s a very simple and maybe impossible story na mangyari tlga in the future. But the story tells na as a person.. no matter who you are.. no matter what you believe in.. falling in love is still the best part of being a human being.. falling in love will keeps you strong in so many ways.. will make your ordinary life so extra ordinary.. parang you would never care what people say as long as your together.. as long as you’re happy.. ang maganda pa ditto.. when you’re in love makulay ang buhay mu.. parnag punong puno ng rainbow ang buong paligid mu.. prang every little thing in this worl is wonderful..

Ngaun ko narealize na being in love would make you a whole person again.. prang hindi kumpleto pagiging tao mu kapag hindi munaramdamang ma-inlove.. yeah tama si cloyd.. masarap ang pakiramdam n kinikilig ka khit in the end masasaktan ka lang.. the most important thing naman is naramdaman mu..

Haaay.. when would I feel that way again.. ung kinikilig.. ung tipong Makita ko lang ung taong ito.. I would just smile.. ung tipong isipin ko lng na  makikita ko sya this day would make me smile..

Aheheheh.. cguro nga.. un ung kulang skin ngaun.. well.. I hope and I pray n sana.. I would find someone.. someone who would show how wonderful this life is.. someone who would say na all I need to do is to live a happy long life with him.. aaaaaayyy.. kinilig ako dun.. ahehehehe

decided

I’m decided today.. Maybe this is not for me.. I can’t help asking myself.. what have I done wrong.. I think I should not be treated like this.. I’ve been working hard to support my family.. to support myself.. to fulfill my dream.. but what is happening now.. I cant support my family.. how can I fulfill my long time dream..

How can I buy my own house.. my own car..

Am I still able to build my dream… my engineering firm.. how can it be possible.. it so hard for me to think na all my dreams will be left as dreams.. haay..

Now.. im decided na.. I have to find myself.. im changing in the way I don’t like… its not me.. im not the girl with many dreams na.. im the girl full of hatred.. haaaaaayy….

overwhelm

im here.. very masakit ang ulo.. overwhelm n hindi ko maintindihan.. minsan asa mood ako mag-work.. minsan hindi..
madalas i feel very reactive and guilty of what im saying.. puro observation and grudge feeling for everyone.. haaay.. samtyms naman.. i feel good for everyone..

ngaun.. at this very moment.. i just felt very exhausted.. need to pahinga.. pahinga the utak and the super observation..
samtimes i feel guilty ksi masyadong tactless na ako.. i will say what i want say.. express all the things that needs to be expreesed..
para akong sasabog n bulkan ksi kapag hindi ko sinabi.. hinid rin ako makaka-work ng maaus.. hindi ko n nga magawa ang work ko ng maaus eh.. haaaay.. always nlng b ako ganito.. puro hinaing.. puro reklamo..
klan kya mauuulit ung college days ko na nagpopost ako dito for the sake of maka-pagpost lng.. for all my lablyfs.. kung meron..
i hope i could be just me.. very masayin.. always looking at the brighter side.. always positively passionate in evrything..

breathe

Its October 6, 2008.. malakas ang ulan.. dito ako sa training room.. nagbabantay ng nag-eexam.. nakikinig ng truly, madly, deeply ng savage garden..

Nag-iisip.. nag-iisip kung san nga ba tlga ako pupunta.. mejo nalilito n ksi ako.. nawawala ako sa career pathing ko..

Una, gusto ko maging engr.. hindi naman binigay skin..

Ngahanap ako ng trabaho.. nagging operator ako.. ilang buwan lng nakalipas.. trainer na ako.. ngaun? Kahit san ata ak omagpunta alang satisfaction.. y kya? I like what I am doing.. im learning to love it.. kso there comes a time na I just want to get out of this fucking job.. tulad lng ngaun.. parng gusto ko n xa iwan.. kaso by tomorrow.. or the next day.. gusto ko na namn sya..

Panu kaya magkaka-direksyon ang buhay ko.. lagi nlgn bang.. gigising ako sa umaga.. papasok sa trbaho.. aabutin ako ng gabi.. swertihin kung bayadan ang OT.. tapos.. tutulog.. tapos gigising ulet pra pumasok sa trabaho.. it’s a daily routine n samtyms.. prng gusto ko nlng magpahinga ng isang buong linggo.. un tipong.. pahinga lng tlga..

I am enjoying the company of my colleges here.. I treated them as one of my barkada.. my friends.. cguro they are one of the reason y ang hirap umalis.. parang college lang noh.. hanggang nagun.. we make sure that khit ganu ka-buzy ang sked.. magkikita kita kmi.. parang ganun din cla.. habang tumatagal.. tumatatag ang friendship na mahirap bitiwan..

I hope I could have this sort of direction.. what I want to be.. what I want to achieve.. who I want to be samday.. what I want 2.. 3.. 5 years from now.. because the only time I could say oim successful is that when I grow old.. im happy..

walang wala lng ako..

Its quarter to six in the evening and im still here at Modco… waiting for friends who will take certification exams today..

How am i? its been a long time since I posted things here.. well me?? Quite ok.. but not dat good.. arti ko noh? Super englsh then nagtatagalog n naman ako.. ahehehe..

Its been awhile n aim losing myself na.. na im getting bored na.. na parang I don’t know myself na.. no social life.. no lablyf.. no everything.. all my friends are busy.. busy fixing their lives.. im not just the only person here.. no one will stop or care kung I stop muna along the way.. coz I barely understand that they (my friends) need to work on their lives.. they needed to grow as much as I wanted to grow.. haay.. I miss them so much.. I miss all inuman with all the kwenthan session with them.. no one can replace them.. they’re the one who would crack the corniest joke when you feel crying.. when you feel the world left you behind.. pota hirap ng ginagawa ko.. inglish-saysing.. ahehehehe..

But nweiz.. at the moment.. im getting my old self back.. im hoping n mabalik nga un..

I lost so many things in myself and im hoping that ill gain it back..

Haaay.. kakamis ang mga kaibigan..

summer it out

well,  how am i?? im good.. i felt good after the board exams.. i have no regrets.. im happier now.. mas clear ang gusotng patunguhan.. cguro nga not all things you want is laging binibigay agad.. maybe GOd want me to learn samtings in lyf.. mabybe He wants me to strive harder to achieve it.. not juz by luck or ay faith.. usto nya cguro sabaw sabw un.. but in any way.. im happy.. happy in my life.. in what i am right now.. maybe not contented pwo happy.. i knw He has plans for me.. hinid ko plang ma-get..cguro i need a deeper in-touch wiht Him.. mejo matagal na nung huli e.. i know it snot easy for everyone to realiza this na ang kabiguan ay kakabit ng tagumpay.. shet ang lalim.. but at the moment i would start to open my old notes.. my review materials.. by sept i should be engr a.. sana.. pagsasabayin ko lahat.. i have to give up samting juz to attain this dream of mine.. pwo hindi ko pa alamkung anu un kya chill lng muna.. ill start reviewing nlng.. tutal naman la ako maxado inaasikaso sa trbaho.. unless maghahanap ako ng bagong trabaho.. aheheh..

putol na daliri

gada ng title ko ngaun noh? y?? ksi ako na muntik maputol ang daliri.. ahehe.. galing ko ksi eh.. dmi ko ksi iniicp eh..

a lot of times iniicp ko.. how will i achieve my goals..  how and when do i need to start?? anu nga ba gusto ko career?? well.. i do have troubled mind ngaun.. kya pti daliri ko nakuha ko ipasok sa electric fan.. 

kla ng lhat its very easy to answers those questions.. what they do not know is that its the hardest thing to answer nor do.. why?? ksi sarili mu kalaban mu.. hirap maging satified sa buhay kung hindi mu na-achive ang pangarap mu.. pwo knowing na nakakatulong ka sa family mu.. i think pampalubag loob n un.. 

cguro.. icipin ko nlng yang lintik kong pngarap after i finished my duties and resonsibilities sa family.. but when kya un?? 

hindi ako khit kailan napagod tumulog sa knila bcoz what i am doing right now is for them.. all my dreams are for them.. kso mahirap lng tlga pasabayin ang dalawa.. you have to choose lng tlga.. at ganun cguro ang buhay.. you have to choose..

choose as dapat.. sa tama.. sa dapat n mgiging masaya ka.. bcoz thats how you’re love ones want you to be.. to be happy in everythng you do.. and the only thing that makes you happy is when you are able to help the one you love.. not juz financially but emotionally, spirituallly and help them to grow their personality.. 

lyf is so short and i should enjoy it.. enjoy every bit of it.. make used to it..

naguguluhan kb?

im here sa comshop.. updating things.. papahinga.. tom morning im going to work again.. parang alang pahinga.. haayz.. 

hows lyf?? well, tulad ng dati.. happy-go-lucky.. hindi alam kung saan patungo.. saan tutungo ang buhay ko sa desisyon na gagawin.. ginawa at ginagawa ko.. i really dont know.. only GOd knows.. only Him could send me signs in my decisions.. only Him could guide me at the moment..

hirap ng tumatanda.. dumadami responsibilities.. dumadami ng isipin.. ng pangarap.. ng mga gstong maabot.. ang malakin tanung.. saan b dapat magsimula? panu ko ba sisimulan ang mga bagay bagay..

ang gulo tlga.. buti pa nung bata ako.. ang alam ko lng klngan ko lng magtapos ng pag-aaral .. mag-trabaho.. un ng.. ngaun.. prang i wanted more.. i wanted samting but i dont know kung anu un.. 

cge na tulog ko lng to.. bka mapanagnipan ko pa ang sagot..

moving on is never in my dictionary..

hay.. eto na naman ako.. falling inlove n naman.. with the same personality in differnt person.. huwaw.. may ganung effect.

akala ganun .. un pla.. i juz miss the person.. tut will always be tut.. i juz missed him so much that i cud even see him in others personality.. no one is the same in this world.. even twins are perfectly different.. so how can i compare..

ok na.. tama na.. bka maluha na naman ako.. basta nag alam ko.. moving on is never in my dictionary.

undecided me..

its been a while.. hindi pla.. mejo mtagal n din pla since i let myself decide for somethings.. madame dami din un.. hinayaan ko sarili ko to decide.. decide for a better me.. o bka hindi din.. ngaun.. i needed guidance.. i needed advice.. i dont know kung kaninu ako dapat maniwala.. kung kanino ako dapat makinig.. o kung dapat ba akong may pakinggang.. i want to achieved things in my life.. madami un.. i dont know where to start.. o dapat ko ba tlga cla simulan.. is it for myself lng ba?? for the people around me?? for the people i consider important in my life.. 

i want to achieved all my dreams for myself, for the people around me, for the people i care about.. for the people who’ve been my greatest inspiration.. for the people who depends on me.. for myself that depends on them..

kinda tiring n din mag-isip.. mag-isip kung panu magsisimula.. kung saan ako dapat magpunta.. hingi ako ng hingi ng sign pwo prang alng dumadating.. baka naman dumating na.. di ko pa napansin.. hay.. paengot engot n naman ako..

sabi ko nga, i have to think positivily passionate to create a life worth living..

i have to commit my self into something i want to have it.. but how can i commit into something if until now.. i do not know what i want.. 

all i know is that i have dreams na nka-hung pdin.. waiting for something or maybe someone to help me start it..

needed a sign… a sign.. a sign.. praying for a sign.. sign.. sign..

huwawwwww

Its January 27, 2008 and im here at suunpower.. infront of the computer.. making petiks.. im 15 minutes late sa work.. pagod pa ko ksi ang layo ng nilakad ko.. iba na tlga ang buhay kapag napasarap ng tulog.. asar.. sa week na to.. I have 3 lates..

Ngaun I should be doing my cost reduction report for tomorrow.. but I still don’t have the mood to do it kya maya nlng.. grabe.. late na nakuha ko pa magfriendster.. no choice la tlga ako gagawin..

Grabe matagl tagal din ako nun huling magpost dito.. mejo nawawalan na anko ng time eh.. may ganung effect..

Sabagay.. ganun tlga ang tao kapag la kaplano plano sa buhay.. me?? Minsan gnun ung naiisip ko…. Ako ung taong alang plano sa buhay.. tipong bahala na.. kung anung meron okey.. pwo Iat the end of the day naiicip ko.. ito b tlga ang gusto?? I have lots of dreams.. I want to be an engineer, have my own house,and car. a good business.. ung sarili kong company.. kakatuwa.. I have big dreams.. pwo hnggang ngaun di koalam kung panu sisimulan… siguro ksi may isang bagay akong hindi nakuha dat hinders me.. yeah.. cguro un nga un.. kung pumasa lng siguro ako.. but I realized na licensed is not that important .. its on how you will achieve and on how you would handle the so called life.. huwat and drama na namn.. I should be happy on what I have right now.. I should be contented..

But why cnt I be satisfied.. why do I long for things.. for those dreams na prang ang hirap ma-achieve.. why do I have this feeling na kya ko i-achieve lhat ng yon.. na konting tiyaga ko pa.. I could have all those.. na kung pagcckapan ko na matupad un.. well im very sure I can do that.. basta may faith lng ako.. and everything will be alright.. mwuaaah!

dreams

haaaaaaayz.. eto ako.. bisibisihan sa work.. pwo khit ganu ako kabusy.. di ko padin nakakalimutan na may pangarap akong dapat tuparin.. im still holding and hoping na one day.. matutupad lahat ng yun.. i know in God’s time dadating din un. i want to take things one at a time.. chill lng.. di akonagmamadali.. i have to be ready.. i need to prepare myself.. for me to be able to accomplish and make my dreams come true.. i know..