Coward Me

Today, I just realized how coward am I. 

How I’m afraid of being rejected or rather how afraid I am to realize that there is just nothing I can do. No matter how much effort I put in this stupid thing, into this feeling I kept for so long, nothing would change. 

I am just hurting myself. I am just being so stupid to let myself drown in this feeling forgetting that I need to be happy, that I have the right to be happy. If I won’t let go of this shit, I would be left alone.

I guess Mike is right, if I don’t see anything worth waiting, why wait? Why wait for so long and let myself bear the pain.

Ron is also right saying that this is a now or never thing. This pain right now is just an icing of a cake. And this would be worst if I would let time passed by. 

Something changed. It’s like a broken glass that I glued. That even though I put all the pieces back, there is these cracks that would be there forever. Either I keep that glass or buy a new one. But why is it so hard to let go of the old broken one when it’s easy to buy a new one.

Why is there a wall between us? Why things between us changed? Or maybe I’m the only one thinking of that? Maybe I’m just the one thinking that there is something special. And I’m frustrated like this because I let myself believe on my gut feeling that there is something super special.

Now I just realized that I am hurting myself. I created this chaos of mine now why am I so afraid of it. I should know when to stop. I want to stop, I just don’t know how.

Me And Usagi

Last week, I enjoyed searching and looking for a good photo that can be placed on my profile picture in FB and Twitter. This is in support to all abused children worldwide.

As checking with my friend’s photos, I enjoyed checking every picture as it brings back my childhood memories.

Who wouldn’t know Cedie ang batang prinsipe who made us all cry, same thing with Nelo and Partrash, Heide, Mga munting Pangarap ni Romeo, Sarah ang Munting Prinsesa, at kung anu anu pang mga cartoons na talaga naming pinagdaanan natin nung kabataan natin.

Kala nyo yan lang nakita ko? I foun BTX, Ghost Fighter, Time quest, Super Boink, Disney characters, si Dora ang batang gala, Magic Knight RareEarth, Doreamon, Si Betty Boop, Popoye, Akazukin Cha-Cha, Tom Sawyer at si Huckle Berry Finn at kung anu-ano pa. Nakakatuwa it brings out the youth or should I say the child in me.

And I am lucky na I am able to enjoy watching this shows. And in support with those abused children, na nanuod man nito o hindi, I know they didn’t enjoy it.

While searching the net, I typed sailor moon. My super favorite cartoon character. 

Why do I like her so much??? Because I and Usagi have so many the same things in common.

She’s matakaw, super daldal as in daldal lang ng daldal, cry baby, funny, sweet, thoughtful, caring. People make fun of her a  lot yet she never ever takes those things to make herself down but it serves as an inspiration to her because she has lots of friends who love and accepts her for being herself.

She is very clumsy that we would always trip whenever there is a chance. She would always see hearts whenever she see cute guys but even though she has lots of crushes (tipong head over heels ang pagkakilig kapag nakakita na ng gwapo J), she remains loyal.

She never showed any pain, worries, troubles, tears in front of her friends so that she wouldn’t be an extra burden to them or simply because she doesn’t want her friends to get worried. She would always show how strong and brave she is no matter how much she wants to fell on her knees. She wants to look like that because she knows, all the people she loves gets strength from her. 

She’s a very good friend no matter how she denies it, she;s a good friend in a very different way.  She would give her life to her friends. She would admit she’s wrong but never admits she’s inlove. 

Speaking of love, Mamuro is the love of her life, her knight in shining armor. The only man that could make her fell in love, smile without doing anything and let her knees fall down sa sobrang kilig. She always cared but showed it in a very different way. Love him in a special way that only she could do.

Nakakatuwa that I am not over Sailormoon. 

I love her because she uses her heart to find true happiness. She may be a meatball head but she has a heart that is full of love for her friends and family that she is willing to sacrifice everything for their happiness.

She maybe super clumsy and irresponsible but she manage to protect everyone in the name of love.