Si "Friend of Mine"

I am having my lunch break this afternoon with 2 of my best buddy, we were chatting, making “chixmax” to everyone who seems to be interesting that day then I found out that we are on our way to discussing my love life.
Oh my, it’s the topic I hate most. What on earth am I going to share? Why do we need to discuss my love life to think i don't have any? It’s just someone who came back from abroad.
I really do not know but love life for me is one of the most dreadful thing to discuss in my life. I have nothing to share. Yes you heard it right, got nothing to share because I never had a boyfriend since birth and currently I never thought of having one. So why are you hearing this boring story? Because I know most of you can relate.
During our discussion, I kept asking myself, am i being honest with myself on how i feel with this special someone whom until now is the only person I love? Am I ready to face rejection? Am i ready to take the next step? Or Am I just a coward that can't stand on how i feel? 
Minsan I just want to think that i am just being real and avoiding myself being hurt by someone because I would never let anyone hurt me except myself. But by just being so quiet about it, doesn’t mean i am not hurting myself because until now i can't seem to move on. The pain is still there.
Tama! Tama na sabihin ko na sa kanya... I need to express how i feel and tell it straight to his face the moment I get a chance para maka-move on na.
Realization is now killing me. It is now or never, if i tell him the truth, our friendship is at risk. If not, my heart is at risk since I'll never find someone to love as this heart beats for that one person. The person whom I never expect to fall in love with. The person who is a not my ideal guy but a person whom i see myself spending my life as a friend. And just friend.
My two good old buddies is correct when they told me that I should tell him since this is my chance to be happy. This is my chance to enjoy the love life topic. To enjoy sharing my love life and not just listening to someone else’s' story.
I need to tell him for me to be happy and to have a time of finding true love. The love that i should be enjoying right now to think I am not committed but i am still reserving myself in entering into any relationship because I can never give love the way I gave love to this person.
My heart is beating for this one person. My fault is that I gave my heart without him knowing that he owns it. Yes, you heard it right again, I never had this chance of telling him how much i feel. I maybe one of the most talkative person in this world but I never learned the trick of expressing my real feelings. I thought this is something that could be learned. (Though I learned the hard way. I learned that all I need to have is courage. )
It's funny I am writing it right now because this is the only way i can express this feeling, this feeling that wants to explode anytime.
I never want to hurt anyone on how i feel. I may be selfish in many ways but if it’s about for the person I love, I am very much willing to give and sacrifice everything. Even if it means the world to me. I guess that’s how everyone does for the people they love.
I'll be hypocrite if I'm going to say that I never thought of me and him in the future, holding hands together, sharing stories while watching the sunset and having coffee together waiting for the sunrise. But everything will disappear whenever I think that he will never like me as me. That I am not enough.
I love myself more than anyone else. I love being who i am and i cannot change myself for anyone else and i do not want to do that because changing one little thing in myself for anyone will not make me myself anymore. If i would change something about myself, I'd be happy to change it because I want to. 
This note is not meant for you who is reading this but this is meant for myself. I'd just like to express my thoughts right now because i feel i have been hiding and keeping this for the longest time now.
I know that conversation with my buddies is not just our normal harutan convo. They may express themselves in a very funny way, but they made me realized how long I have been holding this to myself. I am open with the thought that I'm in love with this person but i am never open in expressing it.
Why??
Because of rejection. I'm scared to death of being rejected,  I'm scared he'll tell me I took advantage of our friendship, I'm too afraid he'll tell me that he can never love me. I hated the feeling of being rejected, neglected and dumped.
I'm scared that our friendship will end. Too scared not to talk to him, not to see him at all, not to hear anything from him.
I remember this song "Kung Ako Na Lang Sana" ni Bituin Escalante or the "Friend of Mine" sang by Lea Salonga.
This songs reminds me of loving this person. This songs are timeless like the love i feel right now.
"I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine, kung ako nalang sana ang iyong minahal. "
This letter was written 6 years ago and today, I am still single. I am jokingly ready to mingle. I could say today that I have moved on.
It was a very long process that took me a decade before I learn to let go. (tagal diba? Loyal kasi kaming mga cancer). I never got a chance to tell how I feel but I do not have any regrets because we remain good friends. And I know and I feel that he already knew it. 
The only thing I hold in my heart are the memories of being happy because of the feeling of being in love with someone. Together with that memories are the lessons I learned.
1. True love waits pero hindi forever. Unless you are meant for each other dun may forever.
2. Acceptance and letting go. Mahirap magmove on lalo na kung never na naging kayo accept it as early as possible para mas madali mo matagpuan ang ka-forever mo.
3. All the pain and happiness that you experience is because of the choices that you made. Choose wisely para sa forever. Never ka magkakamali basta pinakinggan moa ng puso mo.
4. Always ask guidance and strength to God. He’ll show you the right path. You just have to open not just your eyes but your heart as well.
5. Be patient and be faithful. You will find your own happiness because God is writing your own love story. Just be patient!