Tuwing Umuulan

It’s August 7, 2011, at 2:13 in the morning. 

It’s a rainy Sunday morning; well it has been raining for almost two weeks kasi nga rainy season. 

I was thinking of my dream when I woke up late afternoon yesterday. Napanaginipan ko na naman sya. Kelan nga ba ‘yong huli? Matagal tagal ko na din pala s’ya di nakikita sa panaginip ko.  I am loaded of so many things the past few months, kaya kahit thank you article noong birthday ko di ko nagawang isulat.

Anu ‘yung panaginip ko that made me write today? Actually, magulo. Sobrang halo-halo ang mga pangyayari. Pero to sum it up, I am with  good friends heading somewhere. Nagmamadali ako to meet my good friend na umuwi from abroad. To think na itong good friends ko at itong friend ko abroad doesn’t know each other. On my way going there, I was trapped to this place with a few tropa (iba pa sa kasama ko sa sasakyan), where I met this nice guy. I am enjoying his company; he’s nice, thoughtful and sweet. And goodness I love his smile kasi it made me forget where I was heading. After a few chat, dumating ka, you were making silly acts to take my attention. And syempre, you’ve won. Nakalimutan ko si cute guy with sweet smile dahil kinausap mo ako. You showed na you don’t like the guy talking to me. Na gusto mo ikaw lang pinapansin at kinakausap ko. You made me feel your presence para di ako mainlove sa lalaking ‘yon.

Nung napunta ulit lahat ng atensyon ko sa’yo, we did what we normally do. 

Magkwentuhan at magkulitan. And I actually see myself happy. From that dream, I saw my old self. Laughing as if there was no tomorrow and smiling like a 13 year old girl saw her ultimate crush.

Then back to reality…

When I woke up, I felt sad. Not just because may steep neck ako but because I know that time would never happen between the two of us. Nalungkot ako kasi nagising ako sa isang magandang panaginip na alam ko hanggang panaginip lang.

I remember Tamia’s song ‘Almost’.

We never had our time. You were never mine, but how can I missed the time being with you as if you were mine.

But how come all I wanted is to hold your hand to feel safe. Wrap your arms around me to know I’m being protected and loved. Feel your presence to know that I am not alone.

How long will it take me to move forward? How long will I need to wait to be free? When will be the time I’d be ready to start again? When is the day I will say that I’m over you and that I am ready to fall in love again?

Eto ang ayaw ko tuwing umuulan, I began to think of things that might and might not happen. Minsan I blame myself for falling in love sa isang taong never na magiging akin. Kaso, every time na naiisip ko ‘yun, my heart tells me na I made the right decision. I shouldn’t blame myself kasi ito ay isang napakagandanag bagay na ibinigay ni Lord sakin. Na He let me feel to be in love and to give love. Though the love that I gave will never be returned.

Dreams will always be dreams. If you want it to happen, you have to do something. If not, you just need to sleep all day to dream and be hurt once you woke up.