Okay

Why is it so hard to pretend?

Pretending to be strong, when deep inside you feel like crying. You wanted to burst in tears for the pain, anger and hurt that is in your heart but you can’t. Why? Because you know that this is the only way that someone could be as strong as they can see you. In this way, you are able to protect someone dear to your heart.

Even if you feel like giving up, you can’t just show it to everyone else because they look up to you as a strong person. They get strength and courage to be as strong as you. You inspire them to be brave in all dilemmas that they are going through.

Why is it so hard to show that you are also human, that you can also feel the pain in the world? 

I am not a perfect person, and people may look at me as one of the worst person they’ve ever met. They can call me selfish, heartless, and ruthless and the unkind person in this world and I would not care. They don’t know me. They don’t know what I am going through.

Pretending to be strong and okay is one of the hardest things in this world. But I could overcome that for the people I care about.

Hay, Emo na naman ako. Di ko pa naintindihan ang pinagsasasabi ko.

Pero kung ang topic is pagiging mapagkunwari.I would say that im good at it. I’ve been doing that for many years now.

It started when I fall in love, I tried my best hiding the feeling but sa ayaw ko man o hindi, it shows kasi my heart could not hide it. Though I still deny it. Hahaha.

I pretended to be okay kahit hindi.

May mga bagay sa mundong ito na kahit gusto mo na matapos, ay hindi padin matapos tapos dahil magulo. Anu daw?

Ako pala ang magulo. Magulo ako kasi hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko. I am missing my old self. Si Glad na walang pinoproblema (though is makes me a stronger person), si Glad na hindi natatakot magkamali (kasi we should learn from our mistakes kasi kung hindi tayo magkakamali di tayo matututo), SI Glad na ang gusto lang ay maging masaya (I am happy, pero may kulang).

 Anu ba pinagsasasabi ko? Bakit hindi ko makikilala ang sarili ko eh lagi ko kasama sarili ko? Sa sobrang pagkukunwari ko, parang totoo na ang mga ipinakikita ko.

Well it’s better to pretend you’re okay than to explain why you’re not okay.

This line works for me well. I may be so madaldal and that I could not help my mouth to just shut for a sec but I’d prefer people to see me okay.

I dont want them to worry about me (parang may mag care naman noh?), i dont want to add myself on their problems and worries. O baka naman, I am just too scared to know that no one cares sa 'kin. That i give love to everyone at di ko lang matanggap na they could not love me back kaya i just want to feel okay? Pwede din

Kaya nga naniniwala ako kapag kinamusta mo ang isang tao at sinabing okay lang sila. Okay means i have so much to think about, i have bigger problems and i just dont want you to involve yourself because i know that you as well have bigger problems.

Okay could also mean that, I dont need help right now. Just leave me alone.

Or it could mean that tinatamad ako mag kwento, can you just find out for yourself? Para naman ma-feel ko na you really care?

Hay naku! Minsan na nga lang ako magsusulat ganito pa naisulat ko. Ang pangit!!!